Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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