She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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