I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
