Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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