I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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