ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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