remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
