so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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