but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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