my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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