Apparently you make a good broom.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
