don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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