so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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