Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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