That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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