3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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