If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
