My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
