Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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