dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
