I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
