I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
