my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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