He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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