she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
