its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
