this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
A+ Viking dick
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
