More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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