so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
