i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
