Even the bartender felt bad for me
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
