In the future we'll all be gay
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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