i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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