I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
