so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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