my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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