He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
