So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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