bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There's always time for handjobs
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
