Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
