Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
