It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
