He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
