I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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