"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
