I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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