i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
