and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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