Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Randomize
