So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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