so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
