she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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