i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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